Bikram Yoga Begins

Ok. So. Here's my Bikram Yoga journey. Starting with the first class I took, up until now.

I had been practicing yoga for about 5 months when my friend Melissa told me about Bikram.....or as I like to call it: the room the feels as hot as Hell but you can't leave because then you'll be a big fat failure and everyone will stare and all you want to do is lay down and die.

Mind you, I didn't know at the time that I would eventually come to call the studio this intensely heavy adjective filled name. That's probably a good thing or I wouldn't have gone.

Melissa prepped my expectations and assured me that I didn't have to do ALL of the poses (Bikram does 2 sets of each pose) and that I could go at my own paise for the next hour and a half! All I had to do was stay in the room. That's not so hard right?!?! Holy Shit!! (those are the only words to describe it). It was soooooo hard. 30 minutes into the session I was light headed, nauseous, and about to keel over! The instructor had pre mentioned that if you felt these symptoms you could lay flat on your back in Shavasana. As I got onto my back all of my fat rolls came to meet my throat constricting my breathing. I had no choice but to lay on my stomach, chin propped on my water bottle and desperately trying to catch Melissa's eyes in the front mirror to ask if the torture was almost over. I had so many thoughts that first class. So many tears from my inadequacy concealed by my sweat. "each shake is the body searching for strength". It's a line of encouragement for those yogis who can't hold a posture, but it became my life chant. Each time my body, heart and mind shake, it's because I'm searching for strength. And the most important lesson I've learned thus far is to just be ok with where you are. Being ok with my yoga practice, my body type, miscommunications, things I accomplished that day or didn't. Things I wanted to say or didn't. Just being ok with that. and knowing that tomorrow is a new day.

I'm now 5 classes in and I still want to ask my fellow yogi to put the sleeper hold on me just to get out of the class......but I feel stronger. Better. I feel ok.

today

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr