Bikram Yoga Begins

Ok. So. Here's my Bikram Yoga journey. Starting with the first class I took, up until now.

I had been practicing yoga for about 5 months when my friend Melissa told me about Bikram.....or as I like to call it: the room the feels as hot as Hell but you can't leave because then you'll be a big fat failure and everyone will stare and all you want to do is lay down and die.

Mind you, I didn't know at the time that I would eventually come to call the studio this intensely heavy adjective filled name. That's probably a good thing or I wouldn't have gone.

Melissa prepped my expectations and assured me that I didn't have to do ALL of the poses (Bikram does 2 sets of each pose) and that I could go at my own paise for the next hour and a half! All I had to do was stay in the room. That's not so hard right?!?! Holy Shit!! (those are the only words to describe it). It was soooooo hard. 30 minutes into the session I was light headed, nauseous, and about to keel over! The instructor had pre mentioned that if you felt these symptoms you could lay flat on your back in Shavasana. As I got onto my back all of my fat rolls came to meet my throat constricting my breathing. I had no choice but to lay on my stomach, chin propped on my water bottle and desperately trying to catch Melissa's eyes in the front mirror to ask if the torture was almost over. I had so many thoughts that first class. So many tears from my inadequacy concealed by my sweat. "each shake is the body searching for strength". It's a line of encouragement for those yogis who can't hold a posture, but it became my life chant. Each time my body, heart and mind shake, it's because I'm searching for strength. And the most important lesson I've learned thus far is to just be ok with where you are. Being ok with my yoga practice, my body type, miscommunications, things I accomplished that day or didn't. Things I wanted to say or didn't. Just being ok with that. and knowing that tomorrow is a new day.

I'm now 5 classes in and I still want to ask my fellow yogi to put the sleeper hold on me just to get out of the class......but I feel stronger. Better. I feel ok.

today

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

still dark

Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness. Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble. But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness; he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded him.

I was heading through the mist across the golden gate
all of my rebellions fall into the fog of fate #solongsweetmisery

Update on Ashley

Hello Family and Friends,

I hope this letter is finding you all well! I wanted to share a little bit about what has been happening in my life lately.

I am currently in San Francisco working with an organization called Youth With A Mission (YWAM) in a ministry called Because Justice Matters. Because Justice Matters (BJM) is a ministry that focuses on issues regarding the exploitation of women. This includes; modern day sex slavery, domestic violence, prostitution, drug addictions, homelessness, etc. Everyday we have women come through our doors at BJM looking for help. We provide information on local resources that will hopefully help them in their differing situations. We also strive to build relationships with the women and walk through life with them. Outreach in the city includes ministering to the woman in strip clubs and on the streets. Each Monday we have a women's day held at the YWAM base. This time is devoted to the women by offering manicures and prayer. As women it can be powerfully healing to feel beautiful and loved. We also take on a lot of case work and meet with individual women to help with their needs.

Meeting Debby:

Debby came in last Monday to our woman's day and promptly sat down in front of me to get her free manicure. I proceeded to take her hands in my own and wash them. I could tell that it had been ages since her hands had felt the loving embrace of a warm touch. She looked exhausted. She put her head on the table and closed her eyes as I began to give her the royal treatment, making sure that each finger nail got special attention. As I began the hand massage she looked into my eyes and said, "I'm tired of this life". I wanted to say, I know exactly what you mean!! Truth is, I had no idea what tired looked like until I looked at her. She began to tell me her story. Debby has been on the streets most of her life. Born and raised in the streets of the Tenderloin can be rough. Being young and vulnerable she was quickly taken by a pimp and made to be a prostitute. Her life has been overwhelmed by the power of darkness and drug addiction. She is broken. Her words ring in my ear..."I'm tired of this life". Debby has a story like many woman all over the world. The stories we never hear about or are too caught up in our own world to care. What could I say to Debby? I prayed and felt like God said; Debby, I want you to have NEW life. In Me. I want to take all the brokenness in the old life and make it all NEW again. So that's what I told her. I prayed for her and did everything I could to help her that day. She left feeling a little more beautiful and a little more like a beloved child of God. I still see Debby most days. Her life hasn't radically changed, but I am praying for the day when Debby takes a hold of the NEW life that God has promised her.

Will you stand in prayer with me for Debby?

I have 4 more weeks in the city of San Francisco to stand in the gap of injustice for these women. Will you continue to pray for my time in San Francisco?


At the end of the summer I will also be traveling to Uganda with my church. I have been to Uganda once before and have asked God for an opportunity to go back. I truly feel as though God has opened the door for me to return to Uganda in late July. While in the country our team will be working with the Batwa Pygmy people in Bwindi. Our aim to provide funding and supplies to three main groups; The Chain Foundation, A Babies Home, and The Batwa Pygmy Tribe. While we are with the Batwa, we will be helping with building homes for the Pygmy people. This is a great opportunity to serve the people of Uganda through service and friendship. I am currently standing in faith that God will bring in the finances I need in order to get to Africa. I still need to raise $3,500 for this trip. This includes, airfare, lodging, on the ground travel, food, and visa expenses. Would you consider donating to this mission trip? Any little bit helps and it would bless me beyond belief to take each of you with me through prayer and finances to help the Ugandan people.

Thank you for all your prayers and support.

Blessings,
Ashley Flowers
1209 Ridgeview St.
Mesquite Tx, 75149
214-796-7193


If you would like to donate money for the mission trip to Uganda you can send a check to:

Mrs. Diane Stanton
Executive Director
Uganda Christian University Partners
PO Box 38333
Dallas, TX 75238
Website: www.ugandapartners.org

With my name in the memo.

OR you may contact me for different donating options.

On my back porch with a glass of wine watching the storm. Some thoughts.

The rain drips and drops on my tin roof, rolls down the walls of the back porch and soaks the depths of the soil filled ground. Light still touches the tips of the trees and the hedge of leaves that separates you and me. Wind comes down the alley way with no route in mind. Just a need to blow and to part each blade of grass. Rain. It washes. It cleans. It gives new life. The thunder in the clouds matches the sound of my inner me. Anticipation for the storm. Something is rumbling in me. Turning me. Waking me. Pursuing me. Catching me. Inside. And then it stops. Where did you go lightening? Where is my glimpse? Break and crash again. Strike me where I stand. Bring life once more in this dry and cracked heart. Let the ever drumming murmurs of my self lean and bend with a shaking start. My sweet song bird still sings. I hear her through the rain. O bird, if you don't hide from the storm, why then am I still tattered and worn? Rain drops fall. The thunder comes. And it's all made new again. I'm made new again. There is hope in that tiny drop.

To whom it may concern.

In your tears and in your blood
In you fire and in your flood
I heard you laugh and I heard you say,
I wouldn't change a single thing.
I don't know which way I'm going, I don't know what I've become.
Just Say you'll come and set me free. just say you'll wait for me.
For you I'd wait till kingdom come.